Evil Interview/Transcript
In a space of pure whiteness, the giant blocky title and a certain rose emblem drop from the sky to the ground, where the four miniaturized members of Team RWBY pop out from behind it to smile, wave and adopt poses for the audience while an unseen speaker announces the show as: "RWBY CHIBI"! ---- Cinder Fall sits at a table holding a résumé in her hands. Cinder: So tell me, Karen, why do you want to join our evil organization? The camera zooms out showing Cardin Winchester sitting opposite of Cinder. Cardin: It's Cardin, actually. Cinder: What is? Cardin: Uh, my name. It's Cardin, not-- Cinder glares at him while burning his résumé with her fire powers. Cardin: It's fine! Let's go with Karen. Cinder: (clears throat while pulling out a clipboard and pen) What are your qualifications? Cardin: Let's see... (chuckle) I'm always beating up Jaune and his loser friends at school! Cinder: (nodding) Hm, hm, okay, that's a good start. Cardin: Oh! I- I once put pepper in Professor Port's moustache! (laughs) He was sneezing for a week! Cinder: Ooh, good one! I should write that down. Cardin: I also never pet dogs. Not even really. Cute. Puppies. Cinder: Ignoring puppies is definitely evil. Unfortunately, we don't have any openings at the moment. (tosses her clipboard away) Mercury: (offscreen) Cinder! Mercury Black kicks open the door behind Cardin carrying the Kitten Killer 9000. Mercury: I'm tired of always doing the dirty work around here and being treated like a peon! (angrily throws the Kitten Killer 9000 to the ground) I demand a raise! Also, I want a fancy hat like Torchwick! Cinder: Mmm, let me propose a counter offer. Cinder fires a small flame from her fingertip to the top of Mercury's head, which then speads all over his body. Mercury runs around the room screaming. Mercury: I'm melting! Mercury then hits a button on the wall which opens up a trap door that he falls through. Cardin is taken aback at what he had just witnessed. Cinder: Congratulations, Karen, it seems we have an opening. Cinder holds out her hand for Cardin to shake, but he gets up from his seat and slowly backs away. Cardin: (nervously) Yeah, y'know what? Lemme get back to you. Cardin quickly dashes out the door while Cinder sighs in annoyance. Cinder: Why is it so hard to find good help? Oh! That's right. I keep melting them. Cinder happily leans on the table. ---- Taiyang Xiao Long sits in front of a holographic screen on a website called "Lonely Huntsman". He sets up his profile page which reads his username "LOVEDADDY". Taiyang refreshes the page. Taiyang: (grunts) Still no matches? Maybe I'm doing this wrong... Ruby: Doing what wrong? Taiyang: (startled) Wait! Nothing! (stammering while trying to cover his daughter's eyes) Wha- Where'd you come from? Go back to there-- Ruby holds her father's hand down while squinting at the screen. Ruby: Dad, are you going to inappropriate places on the internet? Taiyang: What?! No! How do you even know about those? Yang Xiao Long pops her head up from the other side of her father. Yang: Who is "LoveDaddy"? Taiyang: Huh, wha—nobody! Everybody get away! (stammering) I-uh... got hacked! Yang: Oh my gosh, is this a dating site? Taiyang: Okay, fine! I'm "LoveDaddy". Happy now? Haha, go ahead, everybody make fun of me! (sadly) I haven't gotten a single match, so you can laugh twice as hard I guess... His daughters look at him with pity. Yang: We'll take it from here. Ruby and Yang scoot their father back while they help him set up his profile. Taiyang: What're you doing? Yang: If you want girls to like you, we have to make you sound more dangerous. Taiyang: I'm dangerous. Ruby: But dependable. Yang: An edgy thrill-seeker! Taiyang: I seek thrills. Ruby: Yet responsible! Taiyang: Yeah, I'm a single dad. Yang: But brooding bad boy. Ruby: With a wholesome sense of humor! Taiyang: People say I'm funny. Yang: There we go! The "LoveDaddy" is officially on the hunt! Look out, ladies. (winking at her father) Qrow: Did someone say... ladies? Qrow Branwen slides into the room wearing nothing but his underwear and cape. Taiyang: (disgusted) Gah, Qrow! Ugh, do you even own pants anymore? I will buy you a pair! Qrow: (noticing Taiyang's profile) Oof! (chuckling) You better lie about your age buddy. And put up a shirtless selfie. Chicks love that. Taiyang: Y'know what? I see now that this was a terrible idea. Suddenly, a ding is heard from the computer. Taiyang: Wha—was that a match? Yang: Before you get too excited, I had to widen the net a little bit. Elsewhere, Cinder is seen in front of a whiteboard with a chart drawn on it called the "EVIL CHART OF EVIL", with the ratio showing "PUPPIES KICKED" and "CANDY STOLEN", while lecturing to Roman Torchwick, Neopolitan, Mercury, and Emerald Sustrai. Cinder: As you can see here, evil is at a record high. But I think we can bump it higher with spam and online trolling. Cinder then hears a ding and takes out her Scroll. Cinder: Well, hello, "LoveDaddy"... Back with Taiyang, his daughters, and Qrow, they look at Cinder's profile with her username being "iBurn". Taiyang: I think she's lying about her age... Ruby: You really do have the worst luck with women. Qrow: I've dated worse. Ruby, Yang, and Taiyang glance at Qrow in disbelief. Category:Transcripts